I posted this in another thread and was told it should have its own post because it’s a helpful tip 🙂
Sometimes, initiating sex in a long-term relationship is tricky. So I devised this simple method to make communication about it easier: a scale of 1-5.
1 – not at all in the mood
2 – prefer no (but could be turned)
3 – neutral
4 – prefer yes (but won’t be super disappointed if it doesn’t happen)
5 – strongly in the mood
So sometimes I’ll just say, I’m feeling about a 4 right now, how about you? If he says he’s at 2, for example, I can decide whether I want to put in the work of warming him up, and if not, we can just go to bed. No discussion really required unless we want one. It works in almost all situations! It’s lightweight and easy to implement. Hope it might help a few of you 🙂
I see a lot of people saying things like, use your words! Just ask! It should be a simple yes/no! The whole reason this scale came about is, sometimes it’s NOT a simple yes or no. Sometimes it’s…
– “yes I’d be up for it but I’m tired so you’d have to be on top”
– “not really but if it means a lot to you tonight, I can change that”
– “I’d love it but I know you have an early morning so I won’t be upset if you don’t ”
– etc etc
This scale can communicate all of these things so easily. It’s not a substitute for real conversations. It’s simply a shortcut! Sometimes you don’t want to have a drawn-out conversation, you just want to know where your partner stands.